he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
True strength comes from lack of pants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
