my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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