I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
