last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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