I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize