THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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