So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
