I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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