He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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