but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
