I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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