i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
