I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
