oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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