I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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