Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
