I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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