even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
