so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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