I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
