Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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