you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
