Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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