i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
