best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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