Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
