do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
