Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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