it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
