having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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