i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
