Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
