Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize