My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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