well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
