Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
