either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
