Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
