When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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