ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
