i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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