The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
