I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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