Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
