I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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