just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
