just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
