remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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