I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
