What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
