Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
