She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
