I'm jealous of your bromance
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
