its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
