Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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