she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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