Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
