Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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