you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
