i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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