so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
