she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
