Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
