Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
