Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
