Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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