btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
