big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
is wine microwaveable?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
