is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
