This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
