i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
