omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
