also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
