i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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