Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What drink are we having for lunch?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
