just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is it because I queefed?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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